Spurious News: American Contract Bridge League renames a key part of the game!
HORN LAKE, MS (Spurious News Network) -- "Trump" is a very important element of the card game of contract bridge. Before a hand of bridge is played, the four players agree to declare one of the suits in the deck the Trump Suit. A card played from the trump suit outranks a card of any other suit; if Hearts are chosen as the trump suit, a 2 of hearts - the lowest-ranked card of the suit - beats an ace of any of the other three suits.
As of today, that is no longer the case.
"We had to end it," said Mary Masterson, president of the American Contract Bridge League. "Bridge is an honorable game relying on honesty, fairness and sportsmanship - three things our current president lacks. So many bridge players were screaming 'no trump! no trump!' that suit contracts were in danger of dying out. So, we fixed it."
The most important suit in bridge games is now the Biden Suit. "We chose it for two reasons," said Mrs. Masterson. "First, President Biden totally embodies the spirit and meaning of bridge. The other is we knew just how bad this would piss Trump off."
President Joe Biden was honored by this announcement. "Bridge is too good of a game to be insulted by having that orange bastard's name tainting it. They didn't have to name the key suit after me, but I'm pleased they did." When asked if he plays bridge, he answered in the affirmative: "I love bridge. It's a great game and I play it well. But I don't really have a choice here - when you turn 80 playing bridge is required by federal law."
= new reply since forum marked as read
Ty for the laughs!
Should we expect slobby, in his infantile ignorance, to declare all bridges illegal?
