1. America's Mercenary, Erik Prince.
Advantages: huge Trump supporter, was a Navy SEAL. Would enjoy sending the military to act against Americans in violation of federal law.
Disadvantages: body count not quite high enough to make Trump happy, and he's kinda ugly
2. Marjorie Taylor Greene
Advantages: meets all three criteria for a member of the Trump administration, would love to green-light shootin' libruls
Disadvantages: none as far as Trump is concerned. As far as everyone else is...well, we ARE talking about one of the most clinically insane people currently drawing a government paycheck.
3. Jacob Chansley, the QAnon Shaman
Advantages: probably meets all three criteria, but I haven't seen him on TV in anything but the weird face paint he wore to the Capitol. Really, really far to the right.
Disadvantages: possibly even more nuts than MTG.
4. Andrej Beluosov, the current Russian minister of defense
Advantages: perfect candidate for what Trump is trying to do
Disadvantages: already has a job, speaks Russian rather than English, and appointing the Russian minister of defense to the job of US Secretary of Defense would possibly make even the GOP stand up and say, "now hang the fuck on here!"
5. Marine Le Pen, French radical
Advantages: needs a job because the French government barred her from elective office, and would fit right into the Trump Administration
Disadvantages: DEI hire (which, admittedly, is better than the DUI hire Trump wants to get rid of), has strange accent, not an American citizen, not pretty.
6. Mike Lindell, the Pillow Guy
Advantages: well, none
Disadvantages: Currently on Trump's shit list
7. Ivanka Trump, the president's daughter
Advantages: stupid enough to let Trump do whatever the fuck he wants
Disadvantages: no longer wants to have anything to do with her fuckhead father
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