Spurious News: List of Nobel Peace Prize finalists released!
OSLO, NORWAY (Spurious News Network) -- Today the Nobel Peace Prize Committee took the rare step of announcing the six finalists for the 2025 Nobel Peace Prize, and their justification for choosing each individual. "We're totally open to transparency in this process," said the committee in an announcement.
The six finalists are:
GRETA THUNBERG
Occupation: Activist
Justification: Awarding the Prize to her will piss Donald Trump the fuck off.
JOSE ANDRES
Occupation: Chef, founder of World Central Kitchen
Justification: Awarding the Prize to him will piss Donald Trump the fuck off.
GAVIN NEWSOM
Occupation: Governor of California and professional troll
Justification: Awarding the Prize to him will piss Donald Trump the fuck off.
VOLODYMYR ZELENSKYY
Occupation: President of Ukraine
Justification: Awarding the Prize to him will piss Donald Trump the fuck off.
UNITED STATES CAPITAL POLICE FORCE
Occupation: Police department
Justification: Awarding the Prize to them will piss Donald Trump the fuck off.
BARACK OBAMA
Occupation: Professional surfer, Nobel laureate and retired President of the United States
Justification: Awarding the Prize to him for the second time will really piss Donald Trump the fuck off.
"It should be obvious to one and all what we're really looking for in a laureate this year," said the committee. "We're not really going to name President Obama as our laureate. We just figured that if we threw him in there Trump's head would explode, something that has nothing but upside to it. We're thinking it will be between President Zelenskyy and Chef Jose, but you'll just have to wait for the official announcement."
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I needed this!
