How Many Boats Does a Guy Have to Blow Up to Get a Nobel Peace Prize Around Here?
I write to you tonight from war-torn Chicago, where busloads of Antifas have run amok, smashing our deep-dish pizzas into that flat, flaccid shit they sell in New York. Luckily, heroic agents of ICE have been firing pepperoni balls at the traumatized populace, ensuring
Sorry, whats that? Pepper balls? Well, no wonder that pastor was so upset. Say, this isnt emergency pizza triage at all! This is tyranny!
Yeah, were having a grand old time here in the Windy City, as the nations Kooky Kakistocrat Kabal beta-tests martial law. We did get that fun little restraining order to prevent DHS from using excessive force against reporters and protesters, because one of the funnest things about being American right now is that you have to go to court to stop your government from violently suppressing your constitutional rights.
Only thing funner is watching regime media manufacture consent for the crackdown with the laziest lies this side of drug prices are going down 1500%. Kash Patel knows damn well there arent 110,000 gang members in Chicago, but hell keep zip-tying naked children until he finds every single one.
Ah, well. At least things arent as bad as they are in Portland, thank God; we still have stores and windows. Hopefully the Inflatable Frog Brigade can keep the 82nd Airborne tied down long enough to give us a chance to throw up some barricades before Off-Brand Orbán invokes the Insurrection Act.
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