Secretary Sh*tfaced Couldn't Wait 10 MINUTES To Pull Down Pants And Show Family His War Plans
Ousted MAGA Pentagon spox John Ullyot suggested in Politico this weekend that many more shoes would drop this week on Secretary Shitfaced, perhaps the most unqualified, bumblefucking crybaby weenus loser drunk Defense secretary in any country’s history, and we reckon this latest from NBC News counts as one of those.
It turns out that all the highly secret information Hegseth was sharing on Signal in his second group chat about the Yemen strikes — this one including his third-wife-for-now and his brother and his lawyer and his Christian accountability partner and maybe the guy who draws his white nationalist tattoos and whoever makes the concealer we’re guessing he uses to cover up all his rough, booze-damaged skin and his emergency ball-tanning practitioner and the guy who makes the gristly skunk cum mixture he uses as hair gel and whatever other pathetic losers he needs in his life to make him feel like a whole man — it turns out the info he was sharing with ALL THOSE PEOPLE came directly from the secure messages of a general who had literally just shared it with him.
In a normal world you don’t expect the fucking Defense secretary to prematurely ejaculate all the cool intel on war plans that are being carried out right now all over his wife and brother the second he gets them. On an unsecured channel.
But in a normal world, you’d never hire this fuckup to clean your goddamned pool, much less run the Pentagon. (Especially not with those ugly Christian extremist tattoos, wouldn’t want the neighbors thinking our pool boy is low-class trash.)
Yet here we are.
https://www.wonkette.com/p/secretary-shtfaced-couldnt-wait-10
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Anyway, enjoy this video of Hegseth at yesterday’s Trump White House Grab-’Em-By-The-Bushy-Bunny-Tail Easter Egg Roll. He is doing that loud bitchy whiny weak sad loser thing, where he acts like if he talks louder his lies will become more true and his excuses will become more convincing. Also he sounds like he’s this close to crying the entire time, like he often does. You know that thing when a bully gets in trouble at school and their mean dad comes to pick them up and ohhhhh boy he is mad and their disappointing son Pete Hegseth is just smoke blowing out of his ears angry, but the second he’s alone with Papa he starts histrionic crying, inconsolable, meltdown? Yeah, anyway, like we said, here’s a video. Also note the insane amount of concealer he appears to wear, just on a Monday morning. What are we covering up, is that booze-damaged skin? Just asking.