Trump Orders ICE Agents to Pick Crops Unharvested by Deported Immigrants

[sop]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a desperate attempt to appease furious red-state farmers, on Thursday Donald J. Trump ordered ICE agents to pick crops left unharvested by deported immigrants.

“I didn’t sign up for this,” complained an exhausted ICE officer, struggling to breathe through his mask as he picked tomatoes. “I should be kicking some minority’s ass at Home Depot.”

According to sources, tensions have reached a boiling point at the White House amid reports that disgruntled ICE agents were fleeing U.S. farms and seeking sanctuary in Mexico.

In a sharp Oval Office exchange, Trump reportedly turned on JD Vance and barked, “Get out there and pick some fucking lettuce, loser.”

https://open.substack.com/pub/borowitzreport/p/trump-orders-ice-agents-to-pick-crops?r=r38w4&utm_medium=ios

[al bupp]

1. If only

[tanyev]

3. +1. They'd finally be doing something useful and productive.

[riversedge]

2. Actually, having ICE agents pick the crops is a VERY GOOD IDEA!!

[Aristus]

4. Satire: still dead.

n/t

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

5. I knew it was probably Borowitz when I saw the title.