Report: Anti-Science Attitude Strongest Among Those Who Believe Turtle Has Little Apartment Inside Shell

[Ocelot II]

https://theonion.com/report-anti-science-attitude-strongest-among-those-who-believe-turtle-has-little-apartment-inside-shell/

[OAITW r.2.0]

1. No need to read anymore. I am sure there is a high positive correlation to both datapoints, charted.

[SheltieLover]

2. ...

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

3. Love it!

[lastlib]

4. That's hysterical!

It might be funnier than the Flying Spaghetti Monster. (I know, I'm blaspheming His Noodliness; may He strike me down with a flaming meatball.) I was just leting my normal snarky side through.

[nuxvomica]

5. I mentioned this idea to someone the other day

I said I bet a lot of people think that a turtle can retreat into its shell and then stick its legs and head out of different holes because that's how they are depicted in cartoons.

[Ocelot II]

6. Like the turtle isn't attached to the shell at all, and just curls up inside it like a cat.

[GiqueCee]

7. Even though The Onion...

... intends the story as humorous satire, the sad fact is, there really are people that stupid. I know a couple, and give them wide berth. Sometimes I withdraw into the comfort of my shell.

[SorellaLaBefana]

8. Well, one must always bear in mind that The Onion is, and has been for a number of years:

"America's Finest News Source"

As is explicitly stated on its masthead, so therefore clearly must be true else They would not allow such a claim to be made.

Also recall that the motto of Allium cepa (the common cultivar of the widely consumed bulbous vegetable—the onion) is Tu stultus es—You [familiar] are dumb/stupid—which has also proven to be true: especially when Onion articles are quoted on RW News.

I, myself, have, of course, never mistaken such a quotation as anything other than satire. Honestly—Never Ever. Cross my heart on this Holy Monday