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The Borowitz Report: Cookie and Mousse: A Love Story
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/cookie-and-mousse-a-love-story
(Normally I would post Borowitz columns in the Editorials forum, but this story has more of a "DU Lounge" vibe.)
I think you deserve a break from the news today, and I know I do. So let me tell you a little story about my dog friends, Cookie and Mousse.
Cookie was four years old when Mousse came into our lives last year. My wife and I made the somewhat impulsive decision to become a two-dog family in the immediate aftermath of the 2024 election/shitshow. While millions of Americans self-medicated with alcohol or edibles or both, Livy and I decided to throw another dog at the problem.
That wasn’t our only motivation. We thought Cookie would love having a sibling to play with. And Mousse was actually his biological sister—they shared the same father, an apparently randy goldendoodle named Cooper. (Like Elon Musk, Cooper has many offspring; unlike Elon, Cooper is interesting.)
But when Mousse arrived, we realized we hadn’t thought this through. Livy and I were the youngest siblings in our families, so we’d never had the experience of being displaced by a new baby—the kind of torment we were now subjecting poor Cookie to.
Mousse announced herself in our home by barking incessantly and using every available rug as her personal lavatory. When she wasn’t engaging in those two fun hobbies, she tried to ingratiate herself with Cookie by lunging at his face and biting his ear. Cookie, who is blessed with a preternaturally sweet disposition, responded by bearing his teeth and growling.
As Mousse’s reign of terror continued, Cookie stopped acting like his playful, puppyish self. He showed no interest in activities he usually enjoyed, like hurling himself onto the grass and wiggling deliriously. He was depressed....
- more at link -
Cookie was four years old when Mousse came into our lives last year. My wife and I made the somewhat impulsive decision to become a two-dog family in the immediate aftermath of the 2024 election/shitshow. While millions of Americans self-medicated with alcohol or edibles or both, Livy and I decided to throw another dog at the problem.
That wasn’t our only motivation. We thought Cookie would love having a sibling to play with. And Mousse was actually his biological sister—they shared the same father, an apparently randy goldendoodle named Cooper. (Like Elon Musk, Cooper has many offspring; unlike Elon, Cooper is interesting.)
But when Mousse arrived, we realized we hadn’t thought this through. Livy and I were the youngest siblings in our families, so we’d never had the experience of being displaced by a new baby—the kind of torment we were now subjecting poor Cookie to.
Mousse announced herself in our home by barking incessantly and using every available rug as her personal lavatory. When she wasn’t engaging in those two fun hobbies, she tried to ingratiate herself with Cookie by lunging at his face and biting his ear. Cookie, who is blessed with a preternaturally sweet disposition, responded by bearing his teeth and growling.
As Mousse’s reign of terror continued, Cookie stopped acting like his playful, puppyish self. He showed no interest in activities he usually enjoyed, like hurling himself onto the grass and wiggling deliriously. He was depressed....
Oh man, I LOVE this story, and it has a happy ending too!
Thank you, Andy Borowitz.....
2 replies
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