Boy, if there is one thing I am completely over these days, it is how much pain I am in all the time.

[OldBaldy1701E]

And, there is nothing to be done about it. It is neuropathy. It is arthritis. It is a back injury that no one believes happened in the first place (even when I finally got to a doctor and they agreed).

This is not living. This is not life. This is marking time until this body decides it has had enough. I swore to myself years ago that I would never exist just to mark time.

Yet, here I am.

Pathetic.

[marble falls]

1. I use the pain, (RA and old injuries) to make me keep going. It has gotten tougher just in the last few months ...

... but I also know "use it or lose it" is at work. I can't know your pain, but I do know its a constant uphill struggle and it sounds like you and I both are not ready to surrender to pain prescriptions. We're tougher than the youngsters around think we are.

[OldBaldy1701E]

3. Hah! I would be happy to 'surrender to pain medications'.

I hate the things but they do take care of some of the pains. Plus, I only use them when I need them.

Doesn't matter. I am a medical cannabis patient and no pain clinic will give me anything. I have already heard it from three different places.

Of course, the fact that doctors cannot prescribe such meds anymore without going through another facility (By design. More departments means more money) is frustrating enough. Then, to find out that they won't give them to me because of my medical cannabis use (which in my case, I need, because those pain meds mess up my stomach and cannabis helps control that) is just enough to make one run rampant in the streets.

So, I just sit here in tears or barely able to move (on some days). It's a wonderful life, ain't it?

[marble falls]

4. I just wish I hadn't been so ready to demonstrate my ironman mode as a younger person. But otherwise it's been ...

... an interesting life so far.

[OldBaldy1701E]

6. I do hear that.

I have to admit, I was rather indestructible when I was a young person.

I have paid the price every day since. Figures.

[lark]

2. So sorry you are having to go through this. I've been going through something similar.

First off, I was born bad - Kepple Thompson Trenuay Syndrome that affect 1 in 3 million peope, and makes one side of your body not work right. 2nd - I have moderate scoliosis (my 2nd birth defect and could have bee caused by the first one) with displacement and it affects my entire back, but worse around my lower back) and 3rd I have degenerative arthritis which is causing bone spurs all over. For 3 weeks I couldn't walk or do anything and was in the hospital 3 times for uncontrolled skyrocketing blood pressure because of the pain. Stupid insurace rules kept me from getting the care I needed. Now, don't get me wrong, I am a fighter and not giving up my life!! Went to an orthopedist and they aren't sure what's causing this or if the fix will work for me because of the scoliosis. I got 2 cortisone shots and today was able to walk a mile without my back killing me. My legs still hurt a little, but for people like me and you who have lived with chronic pain, it's not bad. My blood pressure meds had to be changed and is still a little high, but at least now its like a normal pain reaction not 215/106!!

I go to a Pain Mgmt. specialist next week to see if they can help. I had Facette Injections 10 years ago and they didn;t help my lower back at all. Hopefully they will have something that works and I won't have to have surgery, especially when not sure how much it would help because of scoliosis. Treating scoliosis by fusing my whole spine is not doable, it would involve my entire spine!!

I hope you are able to get some relief, it's a difficult place to be in!

[OldBaldy1701E]

5. I hope there is help for you.

I am glad you have not given up on life.

I suspect my own problems would be a bit more manageable if I had not already done so. As a manic depressive, as well as a major anxiety sufferer, finding the will to live is very difficult. Especially when there is no help for you. I am not wealthy enough to even walk into the foyer of a psychiatrist office or the like. That is what it is going to take to help me, so there will be no help for that.

Without that help, wanting to fight this is just not in the cards. Why bother, ya know?

I hope you can find relief from those pains. You want to live and you want to contribute. That is great. I want you to find that as well.

[lark]

10. Please check out the United Way website.

I have depression issues as well and when I felt hopeless a few years ago I looked up their website for mental health help and found someone to talk to. You may have to try more than one provider to find someone you are comfortable with. This was 7 years ago, so I don't remember a lot about it, just that I found someone to talk to and they gave me suggestions that helped.

[marble falls]

7. And I whine about me. But like you, for me, the only way is forward.

[lark]

8. Never Give Up!!

That is my life;s moto.

[marble falls]

9. The last one standing is my goal. Laughing through gritted teeth.

[stillcool]

11. it's true. I love company!

when I was little I was told to think of all the people in some faraway place and how bad they have it. I still do that, but now I don't have to dream up some far away place. Life can and does absolutely suck, and to hear me tell it the only power I have is to get the eff out of the way. And then there are moments. The 'now' stuff. Birds, breeze, life, happening in front of my eyes if I just choose to see. Always good if you can get to a moment to be able to look. I try really hard to remember the moments to counteract the bottom-outs. Hindsight is weird too. My past pain seems so inconsequential to the current stuff. It's always new, never before felt, no road signs, just lost in a whirlwind of despair. And then the picture changes. But not for long. I have to grab on to that stuff. There truly can be no future, and no past for me. The price for those visits is too much for me to pay. So, not saying nothing but I see you, I hear you, and in this moment I'm with you.

[in2herbs]

12. Have you tried CBD oil? nt

[crosinski]

14. CBD oil works well for me too.

[OldBaldy1701E]

15. I use that already.

However, some days it goes beyond what the CBD can do.

And, those days are increasing.

[in2herbs]

16. What is the doseage you are taking? 100 mg, 500 mg, 2,000 mg 4,000 mg???? nt

[OldBaldy1701E]

17. It is usually 2000 mg and I take it three times a day. Maybe more if I am really hurting.

I also supplement it with flower.

[in2herbs]

18. I have found that taking 2000 3x day is not equivalent to taking 6000/day. It's the potency that is important. I would

suggest upping to 4000 at least once a day or more as needed. Your pain should level off and you may be able to dose 4000 every day and a half.

It's similar to dosing with homeopathics. You won't get the same results taking 1 dropper of 100 mg Arnica 3/xday as when taking 300 mg per serving 1x day.

When I first started CBD 100/mg day was good enough, until it wasn't. Now I am on 4000 mg day, some days more.

I don't know how I would survive w/o my CBD. More people should try it -- at their right dose.

[Trueblue Texan]

13. I'm so sorry...

I wish there was something I or anyone could do to make it better. The last time I had pain like that I found video games (which I never really played) an effective distraction, but as soon as I stopped playing the game, the pain slammed right back into my awareness. They say the brain can only process a limited amount of information, which is why distractions can be effective for pain management. I hope you find something that works for you, even temporarily.