Bereavement
Related: About this forumMy 41-year-old nephew died suddenly yesterday.
Tom was a firefighter and paramedic in a Chicago suburb. He had been married for 14 years and had a 13-year-old son, as well as four grown stepchildren.
He had some sort of fall at home, I still don't know the details. But he hit his head on something and had a big gash from it. His wife tried to get him to go to the ER, but he refused. That happened on Thursday.
Yesterday, he collapsed at home. His wife called the ambulance. His heart stopped while the paramedics were there, but they brought him back. At the hospital, a trauma surgeon determined that it was a massive TBI and that he'd suffered a serious brain bleed and he wouldn't survive.
His wife, son, parents and one of his two sisters were with him when they shut off whatever life supports they had put him on. The mayor of the town he worked for, his fire chief and many of his fellow firefighters also were on hand. The support was amazing.
This is devastating because it was so unexpected and so fast. He had survived cancer 13 years ago with no recurrence. He was strong, he was healthy, he had years ahead of him.
I last saw him three weeks ago tonight. We talked about the future. Now he has none. Thanks for listening.

DUgosh
(3,118 posts)For your tremendous loss
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)spooky3
(37,677 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)Irish_Dem
(72,738 posts)What a tragedy for everyone.
Hugs to you.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)
MontanaMama
(24,510 posts)This is just awful. I am so very sorry, gaot.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)He was way too young.
CottonBear
(21,615 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)Rorey
(8,514 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)AJT
(5,240 posts)A sudden death is shocking and hard to wrap your head around. I lost my husband suddenly and I am still lost after 3 years. For his son to lose his male role model during his early teens is devastating. It is a comfort that the family has a support system. Again, I am so sorry for your families pain.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)Please accept my condolences for the loss of your husband.
Equomba
(197 posts)My wife and I often talk about how we are just one step away from getting hit by the proverbial bus, i.e. who knows what the next day will bring. I have a 36 year old nephew, married with an absolutely incredible daughter... he could be in the running for father of the year. I can't imagine how I would react to such a death, especially when it appears to be a freak accident.
My thoughts are with you.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)My nephew and his son adored each other. The sun rose and set for them. He's inconsolable right now.
Kali
(56,337 posts)I am so sorry!
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)
sprinkleeninow
(21,336 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)Cha
(313,262 posts)


greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)

niyad
(125,558 posts)you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)Solly Mack
(95,376 posts)Unexpected loss can knock us off kilter. It hits hard.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)Thanks.
cayugafalls
(5,890 posts)May you and his family find peace.
cf...
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)I appreciate your kind words.
AwakeAtLast
(14,315 posts)

greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)
Wounded Bear
(62,583 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)I have to wonder if his refusal to get what he needed wasn't caused in part by the head injury itself.
Wounded Bear
(62,583 posts)the kind that says 'rub a little dirt on it and get back in the game.'
This is a sad story, especially for all involved who have been left behind.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)Plus, like the rest of us, he was stubborn.
kairos12
(13,374 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)It's hit us all hard.
Desert grandma
(1,070 posts)So very sorry for your family's loss. May you find comfort in your love and support of one another.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)Thanks for your kind words.
Demobrat
(10,192 posts)Shocking and heartbreaking for everyone, but adults have had time to learn that terrible things can and do happen. A childhood shouldnt have to end that way.
So sorry.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)He has two much older half brothers, but both live in California. But it'll never be the same.
My nephew was 12 years younger than his wife, so the ages are a bit weird. Thanks.
skylucy
(3,958 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)SheltieLover
(72,148 posts)So saddened to learn of your tragic loss.
Healing vibes on the way to you & your family. 💓💓💓
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)It doesn't quite seem real yet.
SheltieLover
(72,148 posts)And that might be a good thing. Jury is still out on that here, years later.
My heart just aches for you & your family, especially his son.
Please remember to eat, sleep, and do some deep breathing to stay centered.
I'm here if you want to chat.
cate94
(2,990 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)
applegrove
(127,085 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)secondwind
(16,903 posts)wife, you, the entire family
. Wow, life is so fleeting
You will all be in my prayers
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)And so sudden.
soldierant
(8,774 posts)which carry within themselves as symptoms the resistance to treatment.
They almost seem diabolocal. I hope his widow is not blaming herself for caling an ambulance at the time of the initial injury. She couldn't hve known.
SheltieLover
(72,148 posts)Thank you for bringing this up!
His wife did the best she could at the timd with the information she had.
This will go a long way towards avoiding survivor's guilt.
Ty!
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)But he kept insisting that he would be fine. When the time is right, I'll suggest grief counseling. Thanks.
SheltieLover
(72,148 posts)Yw
soldierant
(8,774 posts)My 76-year life has been affected many times by people with one or the other of these conditions. They break my heart.
And I am reminded of anti-vaxxers - who, unless you believe their disease is mass psychosis (and it might be) don't have that excuse. But I really don't know what to think of them - except that they are dangerous to those round them.
SheltieLover
(72,148 posts)It is heart breaking for sure. 😢
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)I think that we'll all tell her that she shouldn't feel like she did wrong. He told her that he'd refuse to go.
SheltieLover
(72,148 posts)It's important for him to grasp that mom made every effort, too.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)He could have been at school.
SheltieLover
(72,148 posts)💔
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)
relayerbob
(7,236 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)We're all wrecks right now.
vercetti2021
(10,449 posts)Sounds like one hell of a man
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)Thanks.
murielm99
(32,172 posts)What a sudden blow for all of you. No wonder you are in a state of unbelief.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)
MustLoveBeagles
(13,503 posts)It must have been such a shock.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)
PoindexterOglethorpe
(28,005 posts)This is beyond sad
Right now my older brother, who is 78 years old, is in hospital with a raging infection. He was supposed to have surgery this morning, removing some masses on a kidney that are probably cancer. At least my brother has lived several decades longer than your nephew.
Such things are devastating.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)I hope that they can get the infection under control. Thanks for your kindness. Devastating is the right description.
PoindexterOglethorpe
(28,005 posts)She worked for about 25 years as a compliance auditor, meaning she read medical charts to determine if doctors had made the correct diagnoses or inputs of various procedures. As a consequence, she has a very vast knowledge of medical stuff, even if she is not a doctor herself.
78 is getting up there, but not so old these days.
I am one of six children. So far, a sister died in 2017 at age 70. A brother died at the end of December last year, age 71. I know that in the normal course of events we will all pass on, but honestly, it's a bit strange to be losing my brothers and sisters.
Hugs to you.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)But when it's the younger generation, it's hard to take.
Hugs to you.
Granny M
(1,397 posts)Deepest sympathy to you all.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)GPV
(73,307 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)livetohike
(23,558 posts)sympathy to you and the family. May the love and support of family and friends comfort you and May the memories of your nephew and the stories you will all tell keep him alive in your heart .
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)
sinkingfeeling
(56,001 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)brer cat
(27,045 posts)It is tragic to lose someone so young.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)Thanks.
sheshe2
(93,023 posts)My heart goes out to you and yours.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)It's still unreal.
Ilsa
(63,063 posts)Noted to remember: Head trauma should always be checked out for bleeds, shifting mass, etc.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)Thanks for the wishes.
George II
(67,782 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)CentralMass
(16,365 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)IbogaProject
(4,724 posts)Condolences to you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)Hortensis
(58,785 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)LetMyPeopleVote
(166,964 posts)Your nephew's family will be in my prayers
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)Upthevibe
(9,678 posts)I am so very sorry....
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)
JohnSJ
(98,883 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)onecaliberal
(36,594 posts)

greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)femmedem
(8,524 posts)I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss. It must feel surreal. Devastating but surreal.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)Thanks very much.
Goddessartist
(2,167 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)mcar
(44,975 posts)

greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)
BumRushDaShow
(157,306 posts)Just seeing this. So sorry to hear this and it is so tragic. Am sending my condolences to his family.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)The fact it was so sudden makes it harder to deal with. And he was so young.
marble falls
(67,157 posts)... for your family.
I also hope your foot is better. We don't run into to each other much lately, but I do think of you!
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)Just saw that the wake is on Thursday, which is also the triplets' 21st birthday. And seven hours of it! That's probably because of the firefighter angle.
The foot is much better, thanks. I hope that you're doing better as well. I think of you as well. Maybe we'll both be back in MIRT soon.
marble falls
(67,157 posts)malaise
(287,162 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)This is so hard to process.
malaise
(287,162 posts)It was sudden and he's young - those are the hardest ones to process
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)CaptainTruth
(7,796 posts)

greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)
sueh
(1,904 posts)sudden tragedy. I'm sending healing vibes to you and your family. (((hugs)))
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)wryter2000
(47,922 posts)What a horrible loss for your family and his.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)It's still hard to believe.
calimary
(87,189 posts)So sad to hear.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope you know that lots of us here are sharing your grief. What with COVID and the advancing years, almost every one of us has been touched by sorrow and loss. So we can empathize as well as sympathize. You won't be mourning alone.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)

LoisB
(11,184 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)dlk
(12,802 posts)Sending wishes for comfort and peace for you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)dlk
(12,802 posts)My heart goes out to you and your family.
mahina
(19,939 posts)To hold this.
Thank you for telling us about him.
Ill be thinking of you all, and him. Aloha.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)He was lucky enough to be stationed in Hawaii during his Army years. Loved it there.
babylonsister
(172,262 posts)greatauntoftriplets.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)live love laugh
(15,687 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)
yardwork
(67,343 posts)A friend of mine died the same way. He hit his head and didn't think anything of it. A few days later he died suddenly. It turned out to be internal bleeding in his brain.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)I'm sorry about your friend. The moral of the story is don't screw around with head injuries.
yardwork
(67,343 posts)I hope you're doing well overall.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)I'm hanging in there. Thanks.
UpInArms
(53,188 posts)

((((((((HUGS)))))))
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)
Doodley
(11,202 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)Thanks very much.
Susan Calvin
(2,323 posts)I was going to say a bunch more about me, and how I relate to this, but that's not what you need right now. I am just so sorry.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)If you've been through this, you know how hard it is.
SpankMe
(3,539 posts)Wife, kid, step-kids...it's a big loss.
People must not defer treatment for potential brain injury.
Bless you and bless the family.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,001 posts)He was a paramedic, he should have known.