Bereavement
Related: About this forumMy 41-year-old nephew died suddenly yesterday.
Tom was a firefighter and paramedic in a Chicago suburb. He had been married for 14 years and had a 13-year-old son, as well as four grown stepchildren.
He had some sort of fall at home, I still don't know the details. But he hit his head on something and had a big gash from it. His wife tried to get him to go to the ER, but he refused. That happened on Thursday.
Yesterday, he collapsed at home. His wife called the ambulance. His heart stopped while the paramedics were there, but they brought him back. At the hospital, a trauma surgeon determined that it was a massive TBI and that he'd suffered a serious brain bleed and he wouldn't survive.
His wife, son, parents and one of his two sisters were with him when they shut off whatever life supports they had put him on. The mayor of the town he worked for, his fire chief and many of his fellow firefighters also were on hand. The support was amazing.
This is devastating because it was so unexpected and so fast. He had survived cancer 13 years ago with no recurrence. He was strong, he was healthy, he had years ahead of him.
I last saw him three weeks ago tonight. We talked about the future. Now he has none. Thanks for listening.

DUgosh
(3,118 posts)For your tremendous loss
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)spooky3
(37,658 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)Irish_Dem
(72,602 posts)What a tragedy for everyone.
Hugs to you.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)
MontanaMama
(24,507 posts)This is just awful. I am so very sorry, gaot.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)He was way too young.
CottonBear
(21,615 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)Rorey
(8,514 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)AJT
(5,240 posts)A sudden death is shocking and hard to wrap your head around. I lost my husband suddenly and I am still lost after 3 years. For his son to lose his male role model during his early teens is devastating. It is a comfort that the family has a support system. Again, I am so sorry for your families pain.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)Please accept my condolences for the loss of your husband.
Equomba
(197 posts)My wife and I often talk about how we are just one step away from getting hit by the proverbial bus, i.e. who knows what the next day will bring. I have a 36 year old nephew, married with an absolutely incredible daughter... he could be in the running for father of the year. I can't imagine how I would react to such a death, especially when it appears to be a freak accident.
My thoughts are with you.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)My nephew and his son adored each other. The sun rose and set for them. He's inconsolable right now.
Kali
(56,331 posts)I am so sorry!
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)
sprinkleeninow
(21,294 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)Cha
(313,133 posts)


greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)

niyad
(125,349 posts)you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)Solly Mack
(95,310 posts)Unexpected loss can knock us off kilter. It hits hard.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)Thanks.
cayugafalls
(5,885 posts)May you and his family find peace.
cf...
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)I appreciate your kind words.
AwakeAtLast
(14,315 posts)

greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)
Wounded Bear
(62,542 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)I have to wonder if his refusal to get what he needed wasn't caused in part by the head injury itself.
Wounded Bear
(62,542 posts)the kind that says 'rub a little dirt on it and get back in the game.'
This is a sad story, especially for all involved who have been left behind.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)Plus, like the rest of us, he was stubborn.
kairos12
(13,369 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)It's hit us all hard.
Desert grandma
(1,070 posts)So very sorry for your family's loss. May you find comfort in your love and support of one another.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)Thanks for your kind words.
Demobrat
(10,187 posts)Shocking and heartbreaking for everyone, but adults have had time to learn that terrible things can and do happen. A childhood shouldnt have to end that way.
So sorry.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)He has two much older half brothers, but both live in California. But it'll never be the same.
My nephew was 12 years younger than his wife, so the ages are a bit weird. Thanks.
skylucy
(3,956 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)SheltieLover
(71,926 posts)So saddened to learn of your tragic loss.
Healing vibes on the way to you & your family. 💓💓💓
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)It doesn't quite seem real yet.
SheltieLover
(71,926 posts)And that might be a good thing. Jury is still out on that here, years later.
My heart just aches for you & your family, especially his son.
Please remember to eat, sleep, and do some deep breathing to stay centered.
I'm here if you want to chat.
cate94
(2,985 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)
applegrove
(126,949 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)secondwind
(16,903 posts)wife, you, the entire family
. Wow, life is so fleeting
You will all be in my prayers
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)And so sudden.
soldierant
(8,750 posts)which carry within themselves as symptoms the resistance to treatment.
They almost seem diabolocal. I hope his widow is not blaming herself for caling an ambulance at the time of the initial injury. She couldn't hve known.
SheltieLover
(71,926 posts)Thank you for bringing this up!
His wife did the best she could at the timd with the information she had.
This will go a long way towards avoiding survivor's guilt.
Ty!
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)But he kept insisting that he would be fine. When the time is right, I'll suggest grief counseling. Thanks.
SheltieLover
(71,926 posts)Yw
soldierant
(8,750 posts)My 76-year life has been affected many times by people with one or the other of these conditions. They break my heart.
And I am reminded of anti-vaxxers - who, unless you believe their disease is mass psychosis (and it might be) don't have that excuse. But I really don't know what to think of them - except that they are dangerous to those round them.
SheltieLover
(71,926 posts)It is heart breaking for sure. 😢
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)I think that we'll all tell her that she shouldn't feel like she did wrong. He told her that he'd refuse to go.
SheltieLover
(71,926 posts)It's important for him to grasp that mom made every effort, too.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)He could have been at school.
SheltieLover
(71,926 posts)💔
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)
relayerbob
(7,232 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)We're all wrecks right now.
vercetti2021
(10,449 posts)Sounds like one hell of a man
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)Thanks.
murielm99
(32,149 posts)What a sudden blow for all of you. No wonder you are in a state of unbelief.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)
MustLoveBeagles
(13,483 posts)It must have been such a shock.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)
PoindexterOglethorpe
(28,003 posts)This is beyond sad
Right now my older brother, who is 78 years old, is in hospital with a raging infection. He was supposed to have surgery this morning, removing some masses on a kidney that are probably cancer. At least my brother has lived several decades longer than your nephew.
Such things are devastating.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)I hope that they can get the infection under control. Thanks for your kindness. Devastating is the right description.
PoindexterOglethorpe
(28,003 posts)She worked for about 25 years as a compliance auditor, meaning she read medical charts to determine if doctors had made the correct diagnoses or inputs of various procedures. As a consequence, she has a very vast knowledge of medical stuff, even if she is not a doctor herself.
78 is getting up there, but not so old these days.
I am one of six children. So far, a sister died in 2017 at age 70. A brother died at the end of December last year, age 71. I know that in the normal course of events we will all pass on, but honestly, it's a bit strange to be losing my brothers and sisters.
Hugs to you.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)But when it's the younger generation, it's hard to take.
Hugs to you.
Granny M
(1,396 posts)Deepest sympathy to you all.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)GPV
(73,306 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)livetohike
(23,544 posts)sympathy to you and the family. May the love and support of family and friends comfort you and May the memories of your nephew and the stories you will all tell keep him alive in your heart .
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)
sinkingfeeling
(55,958 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)brer cat
(27,028 posts)It is tragic to lose someone so young.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)Thanks.
sheshe2
(92,962 posts)My heart goes out to you and yours.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)It's still unreal.
Ilsa
(63,047 posts)Noted to remember: Head trauma should always be checked out for bleeds, shifting mass, etc.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)Thanks for the wishes.
George II
(67,782 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)CentralMass
(16,346 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)IbogaProject
(4,680 posts)Condolences to you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)Hortensis
(58,785 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)LetMyPeopleVote
(166,615 posts)Your nephew's family will be in my prayers
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)Upthevibe
(9,657 posts)I am so very sorry....
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)
JohnSJ
(98,883 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)onecaliberal
(36,594 posts)

greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)femmedem
(8,522 posts)I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss. It must feel surreal. Devastating but surreal.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)Thanks very much.
Goddessartist
(2,167 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)mcar
(44,946 posts)

greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)
BumRushDaShow
(156,978 posts)Just seeing this. So sorry to hear this and it is so tragic. Am sending my condolences to his family.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)The fact it was so sudden makes it harder to deal with. And he was so young.
marble falls
(67,064 posts)... for your family.
I also hope your foot is better. We don't run into to each other much lately, but I do think of you!
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)Just saw that the wake is on Thursday, which is also the triplets' 21st birthday. And seven hours of it! That's probably because of the firefighter angle.
The foot is much better, thanks. I hope that you're doing better as well. I think of you as well. Maybe we'll both be back in MIRT soon.
marble falls
(67,064 posts)malaise
(286,914 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)This is so hard to process.
malaise
(286,914 posts)It was sudden and he's young - those are the hardest ones to process
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)CaptainTruth
(7,781 posts)

greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)
sueh
(1,903 posts)sudden tragedy. I'm sending healing vibes to you and your family. (((hugs)))
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)wryter2000
(47,915 posts)What a horrible loss for your family and his.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)It's still hard to believe.
calimary
(87,121 posts)So sad to hear.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope you know that lots of us here are sharing your grief. What with COVID and the advancing years, almost every one of us has been touched by sorrow and loss. So we can empathize as well as sympathize. You won't be mourning alone.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)

LoisB
(11,118 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)dlk
(12,793 posts)Sending wishes for comfort and peace for you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)dlk
(12,793 posts)My heart goes out to you and your family.
mahina
(19,925 posts)To hold this.
Thank you for telling us about him.
Ill be thinking of you all, and him. Aloha.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)He was lucky enough to be stationed in Hawaii during his Army years. Loved it there.
babylonsister
(172,244 posts)greatauntoftriplets.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)live love laugh
(15,668 posts)
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)
yardwork
(67,268 posts)A friend of mine died the same way. He hit his head and didn't think anything of it. A few days later he died suddenly. It turned out to be internal bleeding in his brain.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)I'm sorry about your friend. The moral of the story is don't screw around with head injuries.
yardwork
(67,268 posts)I hope you're doing well overall.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)I'm hanging in there. Thanks.
UpInArms
(53,151 posts)

((((((((HUGS)))))))
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)
Doodley
(11,197 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)Thanks very much.
Susan Calvin
(2,322 posts)I was going to say a bunch more about me, and how I relate to this, but that's not what you need right now. I am just so sorry.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)If you've been through this, you know how hard it is.
SpankMe
(3,535 posts)Wife, kid, step-kids...it's a big loss.
People must not defer treatment for potential brain injury.
Bless you and bless the family.
greatauntoftriplets
(177,980 posts)He was a paramedic, he should have known.