JD Vance Asks National Guard Member If He Can Touch Gun

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Published: August 25, 2025

WASHINGTON—Approaching cautiously after waiting for an opportune moment to pose his question, Vice President JD Vance reportedly asked a National Guardsman patrolling the nation’s capital Monday if he could touch the man’s service rifle. “Sorry to bother you, sir—is that thing real?” Vance said to a newly armed member of the Ohio National Guard on a D.C. street corner, adding that he was “a little scared,” but if it wasn’t any trouble, he would also love to feel the weight of the private’s M4 rifle in his hands for a couple seconds.

“Boy, this puppy is way lighter than it seems—bet it’s got a loud bark, though! What is it, plastic? Metal? So this is the trigger, right? And this is the barrel? Hey Usha! Usha, come take my picture, please!” At press time, reports confirmed Vance had been rushed to Walter Reed hospital after accidentally blowing his head off with the weapon.

https://theonion.com/jd-vance-asks-national-guard-member-if-he-can-touch-gun/

satire, kinda