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Mountain Mule

(1,158 posts)

39. My stalker is relentless

Thu May 1, 2025, 09:04 PM

May 1

When I sit down on my couch to watch Rachel, my stalker jumps up next to me and appears to drink in her every word. When I step outside, my stalker is right behind me, demanding that I take him on a ten mile walk. Of course, he's right there when I go into my kitchen to fix myself something to eat. He demands a tribute of a chunk of raw hamburger or a container of Amy's Pad Thai to lick out. He even follows me to bed and snoozes beside me all night long. How awful is that?

Worst of all, my stalker is getting to be older and I'm just not ready to consider existential worries when it comes to his regard. My stalker should live forever as far as I'm concerned. He may just be a mutt that I got from the pound; he may just be a hound who likes to sing along with the local coyotes; he may just be a gangster of love who almost knocks me down when I return from buying groceries; but I love my stalker and his stalking ways with all my heart. May all stalkers everywhere live long and thrive!

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Duncanpup

66 replies

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Highlight:

Is there any professionals here who can identify what a stalker is. I definitely have a problem [View all] Duncanpup May 1 OP

I'm just an amateur, but I think spooky3 May 1 #1

If he's a Labrador, that explains it FullySupportDems May 1 #2

Golden retriever Duncanpup May 1 #4

My big yellow lab almost looks like a Golden retriever FullySupportDems May 1 #7

The best dogs I ever had DENVERPOPS May 1 #29

They sound absolutely magnificent FullySupportDems May 1 #40

My Zeus was part golden and part wolf AKwannabe May 2 #49

Every time I have to euthanize one of my dogs DENVERPOPS May 2 #55

It's been my experience lavoosh99 May 2 #59

Dependent personality disorder with histrionic traits? SheltieLover May 1 #3

Can you do FaceTime counseling Duncanpup May 1 #6

Only in certain states, Dunc. SheltieLover May 1 #10

Never mind Sheltie yet thank you counseling will not work. Duncanpup May 1 #12

Pffffft SheltieLover May 1 #15

Don't blame the victim!!! COL Mustard May 1 #42

If I were you, I'd be scared. Very scared. PJMcK May 1 #5

Excellent advice Duncanpup May 1 #8

I've got bad news EYESORE 9001 May 1 #9

The real danger is if stalker gains access to your fridge. SheltieLover May 1 #11

How cute. Srkdqltr May 1 #13

They stare into the very core of the food, sometimes drooling, as if they can will it into their mouths. Clouds Passing May 1 #14

We had a similar stalker. Nanuke May 1 #16

Bed cuddles are the best Duncanpup May 1 #17

Glad you tolerated his hunting failures... 10 Turtle Day May 2 #48

protection order?? Evolve Dammit May 1 #18

Respectfully, you're the problem Jerry2144 May 1 #19

Absolutely Duncanpup May 1 #23

Nothing wrong with a furry stalker with four feet Warpy May 1 #20

Hilarious Duncanpup May 1 #24

I *hope* you don't have a stalker... maspaha May 1 #21

I understand Duncanpup May 1 #25

In reality... WestMichRad May 1 #22

NO cure for the OCD in that relationship, I'm afraid. You've been CHOSEN! hlthe2b May 1 #26

You have a serious problem. Have you tried a restraining order? littlemissmartypants May 1 #27

Yeah, you have a problem. patphil May 1 #28

All I want to know is (1) Did you share the cheeseburger and (2) Did Dunc get any ice cream? LoisB May 1 #30

Yes on both burger and ice cream score Duncanpup May 1 #32

Dunc The Golden Retriever has fans. LoisB May 1 #37

Get a new dog! Jacson6 May 1 #31

Sorry, Nothing Will Help ProfessorGAC May 1 #33

You want to start a support group Duncanpup May 1 #34

Sure. As long as... ProfessorGAC May 1 #35

Absolutely Duncanpup May 2 #47

Dunc knows Practice Makes Perfect. Those toys aren't going to squeak themselves! MLAA May 2 #65

He's professional level MLAA. Duncanpup May 3 #66

Consential fairplay IbogaProject May 1 #36

Walk , don't run. Tetrachloride May 1 #38

My stalker is relentless Mountain Mule May 1 #39

Yes Duncanpup May 1 #43

Seems he took your recent advice very seriously: ''Start stocking up on essentials.'' Donkees May 1 #41

peanut buter aand vanilla ice cream? hmm. AllaN01Bear May 1 #44

The real question is does he love you or is he just using you for food? airplaneman May 2 #45

We're madly in love Duncanpup May 2 #46

Seems a benign stalker. Only get worried if your stalker starts putting on orange makeup. . . . nt Bernardo de La Paz May 2 #50

I have 3 stalkers... Trueblue Texan May 2 #51

We should all be so lucky. Buddyzbuddy May 2 #52

My stalker appears when I use the can opener or open the refrigerator. milestogo May 2 #53

The bigger story is "mixing vanilla ice cream with peanut butter" What?!? Yummm! nt AnotherMother4Peace May 2 #54

I feel for you dunc. TexLaProgressive May 2 #56

I nicknamed my stalker "Creepy Watson" JoseBalow May 2 #57

Our dog is my shadow. A white one. twodogsbarking May 2 #58

I think I see the problem . Permanut May 2 #60

Yeah he wanted Figarosmom May 2 #61

The retrievers were all amateurs compared to our gsp - TBF May 2 #62

Mine has a peeping tom thing for when I'm on the loo. - "On" the loo, correct idiom? UTUSN May 2 #63

I've got one that does heavy breathing in my face Bluethroughu May 2 #64