Due to the kind of morbid curiosity that inspires one to kick an anthill,

[Aristus]

I watched a video in which some self-described “alpha male” demonstrated the ‘alpha’ way to open a bottle or sit down on a bench.

The techniques he explained were ludicrous on their own. But when he insisted that they were intended to make the bottle and the bench “serve you!”, I nearly collapsed in hysterics.

My contempt for these pathetic bozos knows no bounds…