My mother-in-law married my father-in-law, a doctor, when he was 29.
They never divorced but the marriage was not a good one. They had children right away. My mother-in-law made it clear she was miserable.
I was living with my future wife and knew I was very much in love with her but I always felt tentative in our relationship, that I was there until something or someone else happened. I thought I couldn't possibly keep her in my life.
One day I was talking with her about how my father gave me my late mother's wedding ring, he said, "for safe keeping" and I told my future wife I would never marry her because I wouldn't want her to feel trapped like her mother by marrying her when she was so young. She was 21 at the time.
She got really mad at me.
I guess I was being defensive. I really did love her, but I couldn't imagine keeping her forever. It just didn't seem possible, particularly with so many guys hitting on her all the time. She could easily have walked away.
I reminded her when she got mad at me for saying I wouldn't marry her that she had always refused to ever tell me she loved me.
She said, "It's hard for me to say that."
I said, "I love you. It's easy for me to say because it's true. I love you."
Later that night in bed she told me she loved me too. Before that whenever I told her I loved her she'd say, "I know you do." It set in motion a kind of negotiation which ended with her making me take her to a Spanish restaurant, get down on my knees before the appetizers came and propose by offering her my mother's ring.
She said, "I'll think about it."
She could be a stinker.
By desert we were engaged, which did not make her parents happy, but sure as hell made me happy.
Part of the deal was that I promised her that if she ever wanted a divorce I wouldn't contest it, but the condition I wanted was a commitment to fidelity while we remained married.
I was pretty tired of "free love," girlfriends.
Eventually her parents accepted me after we eloped and it seemed like it was going to last, which it has. I never wanted anyone else and she never ran off with anyone else although she easily could have. It's been a far better marriage than the one her parents had, that's for sure.
I now love her in ways I could never have imagined loving anyone. It's been remarkable, not without struggle, but struggle that ultimately deepened our love for one another. She might have done better than me, but I could have never done better than her.
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