Your best bet is to count total carbs since net carbs will always be lower than total carbs.
Net carb proponents will say that the fiber content is not absorbed and does not affect blood sugar. This is not 100% true. Different people have different metabolisms. For purely natural food with purely natural fiber, this lack of fiber effect is more true, and this natural fiber is good for you. But processed food producers have figured out the net carb craze and so they add artificial fiber products to processed food to make you think that unhealthy food is not so bad for you as it really is.
The take home here is to eat more natural foods and avoid processed foods where possible. Avoid starches as much as you can, bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, corn, etc.
I agree with you about the counselor. She has been diagnosed with a serious chronic condition that has very negative consequences (stroke. amputation, vision loss, etc) if not managed. Getting herself to accept this new reality and emotionally in a good place to act in her own best interests is important.
See if you can find a Chronic Disease Self-Management Program for Diabetes near you. She may feel more l for table talking to peers, at least at first.
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