To my husband.

[OldBaldy1701E]

I am sorry.

I am sorry that you married a failure. I am sorry that you are having to live with someone with whom you are embarrassed to be seen in public. I don't blame you. I am nobody and nothing. I took my shot and I failed. I took another shot and I failed. One cannot deny the reality of the evidence in front of you. I am a complete failure in every sense of the word.

Now, I am getting more and more crippled. Now, I need you more and more. That is not fair and I know it. I did not know that I had messed up and packed everything except the Crocs on my feet and had to do the entire two day move with them. I did not know that I had gotten a blister on my foot and it had gotten infected. I did not know now that I would be sitting here with one foot twice the size of the other and unable to do the basics needed to survive in an apartment. I did not know that I would be falling apart so quickly. I did not know that my health, which used to be one of my best attributes, would just throw in the towel so quickly after I passed 50 years of age. I did not know that our healthcare industry would turn predatory and be so unapologetic about it, either.

We are sinking fast. I am to blame. I have not had a job of any kind in going on eleven years now. Between my physical and mental health, I cannot even consider it. I am so sorry that you are having to do this all alone. I wish I did have magic powers, because then you and I and the world would not be in the position it is in now.

I am a failure. I am sorry.