Mental Health Support

NNadir

(36,272 posts)

25. I have (or had) a brother to whom I have not spoken in more than two decades.

Wed Jul 16, 2025, 02:24 PM

Jul 16

For about two decades before cutting him off, I tried to emulate my father, who was a master of forgiveness for his brother, my uncle.

One day, after a particularly egregious episode, after a vast number of previous interactions of that nature, I called my two sons together and told them to not ever do what I am about to do, which was to cut off a brother.

I'm at peace with it now. My life is fine without him.

I know it's painful, but trust me, you can and will survive, better than you may think you will.

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lark susanr516 wolfie001 niyad Fla Dem

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Highlight:

UPDATE! -- Need some emotional backup... I think I just cut my youngest son loose for good... (long, sorry) [View all] FirstLight Jul 16 OP

stay strong WhiteTara Jul 16 #1

You can only do so much Raven123 Jul 16 #2

IMO whether one is religious or not, we must selfishly love ourselves before we can love anyone else. By in2herbs Jul 16 #3

Very wise words, in2herbs. So many people need to hear them. Thank you for posting. wordstroken Jul 16 #7

And in the words of the immortal RuPaul..... ShazzieB Jul 16 #48

FirstLight what you're going through, is one dlilafae Jul 16 #4

Thank you for putting it so succinctly, dlilafae. Most people who are ... wordstroken Jul 16 #11

I agree, it is time to take care of you, FirstLight. sheshe2 Jul 16 #5

We love you, FirstLight, and we support you all the way. wordstroken Jul 16 #6

Hugs, FirstLight Bayard Jul 16 #8

My middle kid did same after my husband died cpamomfromtexas Jul 16 #9

Keep firm adam_vermont Jul 16 #10

A parent can only do so much roscoeroscoe Jul 16 #12

Question: single mom carrying the load. .our son? Am I guessing niyad Jul 16 #51

You have gone extra miles. (Plus bonus phone fact.) TommyT139 Jul 16 #13

It's not your fault cynical_idealist Jul 16 #14

Right here with you.. mountain grammy Jul 16 #15

same mg- et tu Jul 16 #19

He needs to grow up IbogaProject Jul 16 #16

My solution to any problem was to go to work the next day wolfie001 Jul 16 #44

Hang in there !!!!! Karadeniz Jul 16 #17

There comes a time homegirl Jul 16 #18

I know its tough sdfernando Jul 16 #20

This is what really stuck out to me, to which I say, Bravo! Sogo Jul 16 #21

I amdeeply sorry you are going through this irisblue Jul 16 #22

Sometimes you have to cut people loose so they can save themselves Warpy Jul 16 #23

It's heartbreaking beyond measure when an adult child has issues beyond your control dlk Jul 16 #24

I have (or had) a brother to whom I have not spoken in more than two decades. NNadir Jul 16 #25

I'm the same way with a sister who cut us off Ritabert Jul 16 #29

I've cut off all my siblings because they're all hardcore tRUMPers wolfie001 Jul 16 #45

I agree but I'm too old to deal with Trumpers. Ritabert Jul 17 #57

Enjoy these years! I retired in early Dec. 2023 and have never felt better! wolfie001 Jul 17 #59

Is your son addicted to anything, Naranon Family really saved our lives. lark Jul 16 #26

Thanks for all the support DU Family! Many wise words and hugs ..thank you FirstLight Jul 16 #27

Unfortunately, I can totally relate. My soon-to-be 58 year old son has BPD. judesedit Jul 16 #28

yes, the two are so different! FirstLight Jul 16 #30

That's all you can do. It is heartbreaking, but there is lots of goodness in this world. judesedit Jul 16 #42

I get it. Ms. Toad Jul 16 #31

"ingratitude, thou marble-hearted fiend" Paul-EM Jul 16 #32

You did all you could Mama Bird BaronChocula Jul 16 #33

My heart is with you Freddie Jul 16 #34

It sounds like he needs to hit bottom and take responsibility MadameButterfly Jul 16 #35

It sounds like you are taking steps to help yourself, and Hassler Jul 16 #36

My kids cut me off years ago, for the same thing. Linda ladeewolf Jul 16 #37

I pray that things get better for you and your family mdmc Jul 16 #38

Amazing stories of family disfunction Playingmantis Jul 16 #39

It is hard when that happens and I'm very sorry for it. PatrickforB Jul 16 #40

You go to therapy csusan Jul 16 #41

that poor child Skittles Jul 16 #43

It's hard to finally admit the relationship is too toxic to continue. Trueblue Texan Jul 16 #46

u come first. AllaN01Bear Jul 16 #47

Oh, dear friend. Holding you in love and light, wishing you all the blessings niyad Jul 16 #49

Best thing those kids BonnieJW Jul 16 #50

Sending hugs and support, FirstLight. HeartsCanHope Jul 16 #52

Oh FirstLight, I know your heart is aching. summer_in_TX Jul 16 #53

I am so sorry for what you are going through Jarqui Jul 17 #54

Here are some hugs for you. OldBaldy1701E Jul 17 #55

I am forever thankful I have close family, immediate and relations. Fla Dem Jul 17 #56

It's good to vent. I'm sure you're hurt. live love laugh Jul 17 #58

Keep on keeping on First light.... democratsruletheday Jul 29 #60

Kick for the update FirstLight Jul 31 #61

Stay strong crosinski Jul 31 #62

Yeah thanks! FirstLight Jul 31 #63