I struggle with isolation

[nadine_mn]

Howdy

I have a myriad of diagnoses - depression, PTSD, borderline personality disorder and for whatever reason, I really tend to isolate myself.

I never thought too much of it, as an only child of a single parent I am used to being alone. I make a great first impression but have a horrible tendency to burn out people and have very few lasting relationships. The only one that I have is my husband of 17 yrs (go figure the daughter of mother who has been married/divorced 5 times can make a marriage work) and he is amazing. He is also a bit of a loner and has never really had any friends, esp once we moved from his home state of Iowa to Minnesota 14 yrs ago.

It is really hard to make friends in a non-work environment, esp if you don't have kids (at least as a woman). So many meet-up groups are geared to towards parents.

Last year I really was isolating myself as a coping skill or symptom of depression- I could go weeks without leaving the house. I recently finished a partial hospitalization program at the hospital - 3 weeks of groups therapy from 9-3 everyday. That really shook me up. The effect of getting out and being around people again made a huge difference in my depression - more than any medication ever has.

Now that the program is over - I find myself falling back into the same old habits. Yesterday I did make it out - went to the Y and to an intake for another outpatient therapy program. Today I found out that the outpatient program, while covered by insurance, will still be cost prohibitive with our portion of the co-insurance.

I know what I need to do - get out, volunteer, find a part time job,blah blah - I know all of that. It is just so hard to do. Not just mentally, but physically. I am extremely overweight (400 lbs) and embarrassed at my huffing and puffing just walking across the room. Walking a 1/2 mile yesterday wore me out. I was doing really well a few years ago - working out 3x a week and working on my stamina, then the last two years (esp last year) I completely checked out.

So I guess now I am looking for any helpful online or free resources anyone can think of to help make sure I get out of my house if not daily at least every other day so I stay well?