I come from a very very large family...I think we have a bit of everything you talked about...but not in one person.
My first feeling is you are absolutely correct that you don't have to put up with abuse. It is not your fault..and although she is your sister you are not obligated to be her punching bag.
First of all... it may be a good time for you to talk to a counselor to help walk you through this.
However....
Personally... I would write her a letter. Letters can't be interrupted. You can say what you have to say without having her go on a rant. Use the letter to explain your position. Telling her that you will not ever allow her to be anything but civil with you. If she can't comply or agree, you will not have contact with her. Period.
If she calls and starts ranting... hang up ... if you are at a family function and she starts... walk away. I would encourage you speak to your other sisters and hopefully they will support you and possibly do the same.
Also include a suggestion that she seek counseling for her anger. Nobody should live a life in anger and tell her that.
I have been dealing with depression and can understand how debilitating it can be. However, from what you wrote, I agree that she is more than depressed. She really does need to see a professional to help her with her anger issues and control issues.
With that... you can't change another person.. they have to change themselves.
Today...someone posted this link... she might take a look at it....
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying
A nurse that deals with terminally ill patients shares what she has come to understand.
The one that had the most impact for me... Happiness is a choice! I have to keep reminding myself that.
Life is too short to be dragged in the drama she creates. I have a sister who does the same thing ... maybe not to the degree but.. 3 of her siblings have distanced themselves from her, me included.
I have come to understand I can't change her or make her understand what she is doing wrong. I have tried... but have now closed the door on her. I love her and she can be a great person but for my own well being I have had to move forward without her.
With that... good luck... keep me posted on how things proceed.
Peace
YM
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