Hi this is my first time I've felt comfortable

[hunter]

26. I've got some recent, not long past...

... danger to self, thankfully not to others, locked up in the psych ward experience.

Sadly pysch meds sometimes fade.

Some people call it the merry-go-round. Sometimes people quit psych meds because the side effects suck. Anorgasmia? Dull cardboard human character in a bad novel? Really???

I've been riding the storm of madness since late adolescence. I was "asked" to take time out from university twice to get my shit together. It took me nine years to graduate, and it was only accomplished by newer meds that worked, more or less.

I've never been suicidal, not explicitly, but I have done things desperate to have that feeling I'm still alive, even if it hurts. Even if it's bloody or drowning and it's hurting really, really bad.

Hang in there.

I'm a fortunate soul. My current meds, even the crappy anti-psychotics I loathe, work well enough.

Blessed be you to find that place.

My doctors and therapists suggest there's some PTSD component in there as well, but I'm not yet willing to go there, and may not ever be.

More-or-less functional, because of, or in spite of my meds is glorious, much better than the alternatives.

Too bad it took half a century of sometimes hard living for me to figure that out.