My mother has decided that she is dying.

[No Vested Interest]

7. You're definitely correct re setting boundaries.

We all need some of that, in different measure with different folks, of course.

I do understand where you're coming from, as I have a close family member with a personality disorder of another variety - dependency, springing from Asperger's, I'm now told after 50+ years.
Believes being "truthful" relieves one from boundaries.

Re funeral and purple dress: Those who know the deceased can find humor even under the circumstances. My brother's family placed a cell phone next to him in the coffin - 16 yrs ago- as that is how they remembered him, and my family placed a Coke can next to my hubby, as that is what he craved and requested constantly in his illness. I like to think we were laughing with them, not at them - the joke is really our humanity.

Keep on keeping on, Muriel. You're doing just fine, all things considered.