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Bereavement

lostnfound

(17,124 posts)

15. Mourning the loss of a more innocent self untarnished by bitter resentment

Reply to CTyankee (Original post)

Mon Aug 23, 2021, 02:55 PM

Aug 2021

When someone dies, the memory of everything they were to us — all they meant to us — comes barreling in.

Your 30 year new marriage was absolutely dependent on the existence of those things that still make you angry. That is a mystery that deserves to be examined, how the Phoenix owes its life to the ashes.

In my mind, I think we are connected under the ocean even to people we think we hate. An inescapable part of being human.

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17 replies

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Mourning the death of my former husband (father of my 3 kids). [View all] CTyankee Aug 2021 OP

Takes Time DanieRains Aug 2021 #1

Thanks. Just knowing that helps. CTyankee Aug 2021 #2

Every person is different, every stage of grief unique to that person. chia Aug 2021 #3

It is a special form of grief Lulu KC Aug 2021 #4

My problem is that his ex was his former student and it was their affair that caused my divorcing CTyankee Aug 2021 #5

Sounds like things worked out in your favor Lulu KC Aug 2021 #8

I'll have to see the "grieving" widow at Thanksgiving. CTyankee Aug 2021 #11

I am dealing with that... 2naSalit Aug 2021 #6

Yes. I am now planning a trip to Barcelona and Paris with my daughter, mostly for art. CTyankee Aug 2021 #9

The fact that... 2naSalit Aug 2021 #12

Well, my book is about art history and I can get lost in the eras of art that I write about. CTyankee Aug 2021 #13

Far from superficial... 2naSalit Aug 2021 #14

Thanks for the good words and encouragement. I will indeed let others know when it is finished and CTyankee Aug 2021 #16

an odd thing happened when my ex (abusive narcissist) passed a few years ago. Grasswire2 Aug 2021 #7

That is hard to take! It's unfair and deeply insensitive. CTyankee Aug 2021 #10

Mourning the loss of a more innocent self untarnished by bitter resentment lostnfound Aug 2021 #15

Of course, I am always connected to him through our children. CTyankee Aug 2021 #17