The death throes of the ego interspersed with grace- that's what I'm going through.

[Tobin S.]

It's a lot more death throes than grace at this point, but the fact that there is grace is very promising.

For the first time in my life I really have a good picture of the ego dying off as presence within me grows. It's really tough, though. I feel rotten a lot of the time and it just seems like this is taking so long. This all started when I was 20 years old and I'm 45 now.

Any tips? I'm going to church every Sunday now and reading both Eastern and Christian philosophers. Sharon Salzberg, a Buddhist meditation teacher, is a treasure. In her new book, entitled Real Love, she told me how to create compassion for myself and my predicament. That has helped ease my mind somewhat.

Also, do you think the problem of a detrimental ego is mainly a male problem? I think women can be susceptible to such a thing, but it's rare, and the problem seems much more prevalent in men to me.