Losing a parent before you lose the parent

[MissMillie]

My mom has Alzheimer's-related dementia. She's been slipping for a while, but today she said something that truly scared me.

I go over to my folk's place a couple of days every week to cook for them. Today, as we were waiting for the pork chops to bake, my dad was talking about an annual outing his work used to put on for its employees and their families. He reminded me that my mom won a contest at the outing one year. He recounted, "she won a prize for throwing a rolling pin at her husband!" And she did. (The husbands were behind a padded board. My mom hit the board more often than any of the wives.

My mom said, "Who was my husband back then? Was it you?" (My parents have been married only to each other for more than 68 years.)

I asked her, "Well, how many husbands have you had, Mom?" She responded, "I don't know!"

I guess I knew that one day she'd wake up next to him and not know who he is, but I'm realizing that day is coming sooner rather than later.

It was all I could do to keep from crying in front of her. I had to hold it in until I left the house.

She turned 85 on Monday, but I'm still not ready to lose her. But I am losing her, and it hurts like hell.