So my 82 year old mom who had a stroke 3 months ago is now home with her boyfriend.

[politicat]

8. It's not willful -- think of it as a broken circuit.

Think back to the last time you got a really nasty virus -- the flu, or a gastroenteritis. Down flat for several days, when watching TV is actual work and turning book pages feels like weight lifting? You know that level of fatigue and lassitude? That's similar to post stroke, because her brain has been injured and traumatized but it takes longer to fix. It may be a protective measure, to keep the body from going too far, too fast, too soon while all the connections reform.

Your mother is probably easily as frustrated because she knows her history. She's also probably dealing with shame since she feels out of control, and envy of those who still can be on the go. Getting assigned to the recuperative list feels like being "fired" or "put out to pasture." It's fine to grieve her injury, but the L word won't help and can hurt. After all, the young, the uninjured, the currently well have the right to choose to idleness.

It's great that her friends are willing to come to her. For a time, she'll have to borrow other people's motivation -- I.e. She'll go along with what others do. But as much as possible, give her choices -- even if only between A & B -- because the practice of choosing is vital to brain reconfiguration.

The good news is that the circuit can mend, given time. Her brain has other priorities first, like getting all communication and regulation within tolerance, then memory and abstraction, before executive function.