Boy, if there is one thing I am completely over these days, it is how much pain I am in all the time.

[stillcool]

11. it's true. I love company!

when I was little I was told to think of all the people in some faraway place and how bad they have it. I still do that, but now I don't have to dream up some far away place. Life can and does absolutely suck, and to hear me tell it the only power I have is to get the eff out of the way. And then there are moments. The 'now' stuff. Birds, breeze, life, happening in front of my eyes if I just choose to see. Always good if you can get to a moment to be able to look. I try really hard to remember the moments to counteract the bottom-outs. Hindsight is weird too. My past pain seems so inconsequential to the current stuff. It's always new, never before felt, no road signs, just lost in a whirlwind of despair. And then the picture changes. But not for long. I have to grab on to that stuff. There truly can be no future, and no past for me. The price for those visits is too much for me to pay. So, not saying nothing but I see you, I hear you, and in this moment I'm with you.