Are You a Closeted Atheist, or an Open Atheist? I mean, do you fake it sometimes?

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10. Wish I had the ovum to be a bitch.

Unfortunately, I have "Resting Librarian Face", or maybe "Resting Customer Service Face"' people are always turning to me for help or answers, or just to chat to pass the time.

I'm probably more in the Agnostics camp, but I will sometimes tell people that I'm an Atheist if they mention god in a conversation because it usually puts them off and then they leave me alone. It didn't work a week ago with a guy at McDonald's, though. Instead, he actually drew in his breath and uttered the opening salvo of, "Well, the way I see it is. . . ", as if I had invited him to start a philosophical discourse.

Since I hadn't ordered my food yet, my knee-jerk response was to say, "No, no-- You know what--" (I was really talking to myself out loud), and then I walked out. And thanks to decades of social conditioning, I felt like I had been rude and had to work through vague feelings of guilt.

I finally decided that I had been hangry and the guy should have known better than to try chatting up somebody waiting for food. (He was also an idiot for ignoring my earlier social cues indicating that I Did Not Want To Talk.)

To get back to the main question, as long as I am well fed there is a 50/50 chance that I can keep my mouth shut when religion rears its head in public. Thanks to years of socialization and customer service training, I know how to be gracious and accommodating. . . Also thanks to years of working in customer service, I have prematurely run out of fucks to give.

I may not have the courage to be a bitch, but cracks are appearing in my benign personality and hints of bitch are seeping through, often to be patched over with a thin layer of Catholic Guilt. . . Even as I write this I can see how contradictory I am being-- I probably just need something to eat.